It amazes me how easy it is to manipulate Mom by using her Alzheimer’s. I rely on her non-existent memory to help her do things I want her to do. Today, when my husband Jeff and I visited Mom, I could see that her mouth was very dry, so I brought her a cup of water. Mom took one sip and said, “That’s water. Uhg. I don’t drink water.” “Oh, okay,” I said, retrieving the cup. Less than a minute later, I handed her the water again and told her, very enthusiastically, that I had b

It happened unexpectedly, a feeling I did not anticipate, a depression as I walked away from Mom’s residence. For the first time in a long time since Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s more than eight years ago, I felt that she was no longer there. This goes against my whole outlook on Alzheimer’s. Despite all the hurdles and obstacles, all the anger and unpredictability, the overwhelming sense of loss, I have always made a conscious decision to find joy in Mom’s existence. W

There’s a Hebrew idiom, “al ta’am v’reyach ein l’hitvake’ach,” which literally translates to, “on taste and smell it is impossible to argue.” Meaning, there is no absolute judgement on personal preferences. While this is true for the general population, it’s probably 10 times truer for an Alzheimer’s patient, because Alzheimer’s patients lose their ability to taste and smell. It has been established that loss of smell is one of the initial symptoms in degenerative neurologica

“Was I there, too?” Mom asks as my dad tells us about a concert they attended Monday night. “Of course,” he responds. “I don’t remember,” Mom replies. “I don’t even know if I’m here or there.” We laugh, because in context, it’s funny. What it means, however, is that Mom is aware of her memory loss, of her dislocation from time, of her inability to live beyond the moment. We’ve accepted this about her. And in fact, as Mom’s abilities decline, some things are easier. Mom doesn’

“I’ll be with the dead people.” “What?” I asked into the phone. “What did you say?” “I’ll be with the dead people,” repeated Mom. I wanted to ask what she meant, but I knew Mom couldn’t explain the isolation and abandonment that I sensed she was experiencing. “Why don’t you have a cup of tea and a biscuit?” I suggested. “We’ll be home in about 20 minutes. “I can’t open the door and I want to go home,” she cried. “This is not my home. Where’s Jack?” It is rare that Daddy spend

How can I even describe the surreal world my mother inhabits? It’s like watching an artist paint an inexplicable painting yet still be perplexed by the finished product. I’ve been staying with my parents for the last three days while Mom’s caregiver is in the Philippines visiting her family. I’ll be here next week, too, and then they’ll be with me for Passover. Mom has an intense connection to my dad because he is her primary caretaker. When he left for a two-day conference,

When I was growing up in Maryland, we lived near and frequented the Jewish Community Center of Greater Washington in Rockville. Next door was the Hebrew Home, to my mind a labyrinthine building with strange smells and even stranger residents. One of those residents was Sadie Rose Weilerstein, the author of K’Tonton. As kids, we loved K’Tonton stories. K’Tonton was like the Jewish Tom Thumb, a tiny, marvelous child who always managed to get into mischievous trouble.* Mom worke

What a laugh we had today!! Mom’s sister Barbara is visiting from England, and whenever she’s around, the laughter is contagious. Even Mom was in good spirits. When I arrived, I met Mom, Daddy and Barbara at the doctor’s office. Daddy needed a letter from the doctor that stated that Mom’s Alzheimer’s is a permanent illness. This must be given to the court to process his guardianship of Mom. They’d been waiting for a while when I walked in, and we immediately fell to laughing

Her first reaction was annoyance. “I don’t need anyone interfering with the way I live my life,” Mom declared. “Who is she anyway?” It was 9:30 a.m., and we were waiting for the bi-annual visit of the city’s social worker. Try explaining to an angry Alzheimer’s patient why she receives special attention without using the words Alzheimer’s, memory loss, inability to take care of yourself, or caretaker. How many euphemisms are there? When the social worker finally arrived, Mom

I didn’t see my parents this week. I have a sinus infection, and I had no energy to travel two hours each way to see them. So, I stayed home and rested. I missed being with them. Seeing Mom has become the focal point in my week. It pretty much defines my life right now, though there are of course many other things going on. I know they love to see me, too, but given the fact that Mom can’t remember that I’ve even visited, I think the visits are more important for me than they

I went to a lunch today for two of Mom’s friends who are celebrating their 80th birthdays. Talk turned quickly to aging and finding secrets to health and longevity. “This is the best medicine,” said Ruth, laughing and schmoozing with her friends. She had almost stayed home but decided to push past her lethargy. “And it’s free!” said Bea, one of the birthday girls. “You should ask your doctor for happy pills,” chimed in Susie. What’s in a happy pill, I wanted to know. “Who kno

It startles me every time, the way Mom can’t keep in mind what is right in front of her. Last night we went to my son’s army swearing-in ceremony. We sat together on a hard bench looking into the setting sun as 300 soldiers held both the Torah and their weapon and vowed to defend Israel with their lives. We managed to take a few photos of him marching into and out of the arena. He was so intent on marching, he almost didn’t see us waving and calling. What a handsome young man

Would you believe I haven’t written in two weeks because I was in Bulgaria?!! It’s true! I was the staff escort to the AACI Jewish Heritage and Kosher Bulgaria tour that spent ten days touring a most interesting country. We visited several cities including Sofia, Plovdiv and Veliko Traverno. We saw Roman, Byzantine, Turkish, German, and Russian remains in a country that has been buffeted by one conquering army after another. We learned about the Jewish community through the a