I should be writing about how visiting Mom has its ups and downs but we see her every week, hold hands, hug her when the staff isn’t looking, are scolded by her, find that sweet spot and convince her to laugh with us, and generally walk away satisfied that she is doing fine, given the circumstances. Instead, I’m going to write about seven-hour waits in the hospital, TIAs, the amazing ability of doctors here to speak multiple languages (including almost perfect English), and t

I never thought I’d get to the point where I could let go of the guilt of putting Mom in a care facility. I feel so grateful to the staff there for caring for her with love and compassion. Why now? What has made me see Mom’s residency at her care facility in a new light? Last week my dad was hospitalized due to his chronic low heart rate. Whereas a normal pulse is between 60 and 100 beats per minute, Dad’s average is around 30 to 60. It rarely goes higher than 70. He’s been u

It has been one year since my mom was moved to her Alzheimer’s care facility, one year of searing emotional upheavals and adjusting to a new reality. If I think back to last year, I remember the utter pain and sadness I felt at moving Mom. I cried in an intense primeval howl as I imagined Mom in her new surroundings frightened and bewildered without us. I felt extreme guilt at having abandoned her, as if we had given up our job of protecting her in the world. The transition w

When my dad is away, as he is this week, I try to visit my mom each day, even if only for a short while, so that I can verify with my own eyes that she’s ok. And, I post a photo of her to our family WhatsApp group so that they can see her, too. Mom was smiling today, and when I took her photo, she asked to see it. “Is that me?” she queried as she studied herself. I assured her it was. I’m guessing that Mom thinks of herself as much younger, certainly unlike the other resident